Change

by Scott Noel

 

“Mom, you don’t have to do this.”

This was going to be exhausting. Necessary, but exhausting. She wanted painkillers, but knew they’d dull and twist her words. She reached out a bandage wrapped hand. “Sweetheart, you’re not going to lose me.”

Aiden’s eyes went wide, her voice and hands trembled, “That is exactly what this is, Mom. You won’t be you anymore. You’ll be gone!”

Always about the drama with this one. The love was real. The fear too. But the drama came first. Kym shook her head, “No sweetheart. That’s not what this…”

“We can build you a new body. A good one. With augments if you want. Modeled on your genome. You could even pick a movie star…”

Kym sighed, “Aiden, this life…this life has been over for me for a long time. You don’t need me anymore…”

“That’s not true!”

The medicine-soaked gauze holding together what was left of the skin on Kym’s face shifted into a melancholy smile, “Before the accident, how often did you call? Visit? I’m not upset sweetie that’s as it should be. You have your own life, your own kids, grandkids, great grandkids.”

Aiden recoiled at the truth in her mother’s words and the kindness in them, “Mom, I...”

Kym reached out and gently caressed her daughter’s cheek, “I’ve lived a wonderful life Aiden. A dozen of them. I’ve loved, gone to war, made art, wandered, put down roots, raised a beautiful family.”

Aiden bit her lip, “But there’s still more to do.”

A bright if tired gleam was glittered in Kym’s eyes, “Yes! There are adventures and experiences that I could never even consider as I am now.”

Aiden rolled her eyes and slammed her hand down theatrically sending a tray of lotions and bandages skittering around the room. “That’s not what I meant!”

Kym chuckled, “I know. But it’s true.”

Aiden’s face curled into a pout. Not the attention seeking facade she often wore to get her way, but a genuine expression of frustration, and pain, “Dad tried this. Dad…You know what happened. Better than anyone.”

Kym sighed. The mask of bandages concealing her frustration. She knew Aiden would play this card. “Sweetheart, that was more than a hundred years ago. The technology is totally different now.”

Tears welled at the corner of Aiden’s eyes, real tears, “You won’t be you anymore.”

“I will be me. And I’ll be more. And different.”

“You’ll forget about us!”

“Aiden, no. Never. Do you understand the journey I’m about to take?”

A derisive snort communicated Aiden’s opinion with crystalline clarity, “You’re going to abandon your body and upload your consciousness to the internet.”

Kym chuckled, “Well, when you put it like that, you’re right it doesn’t seem like a very good idea.”

“See! You see it!”

Kym reached out and took her daughter’s hand, “No sweetie. That’s not a good representation of what I’m doing. Not at all.”

“How is it different?”

“Did you read the files I sent you?”

Aiden frowned guiltily, “No.”

Of course not. That wasn’t Aiden’s way. That was fine. “Think of it more like, I’m joining a community.”

Aiden replied scornfully, “You mean a cult. A cult that requires you to atomize your brain.”

Kym leaned back. Her other children understood, even encouraged her. But Aiden… Maybe the painkillers would have been a good idea. “Yes, in order to get a full cognitive upload, the scanning process will destroy my brain, and my body…

“Your body?”

“Of course. To create an accurate representation of my mind, the process needs to capture my hormone levels, sensory quirks, muscle tension…”

“They’re going to destroy your body?”

“Sweetheart, with radiation from the accident…this body is already destroyed. There’s no saving it. Or the brain.”

“But you could go into a discrete shell, organic, synthetic, that was just you. You could stay you.”

“I thought about it. I did. I’ve rebuilt this body so many times. I’ve worn it out so many times. I want something new.  I want to not be alone anymore.”

Aiden was close to tears, “But this…”

“Community.”

Aiden snorted.

Kym squeezed her daughter’s hand, “I’ll be uploaded. But, in addition to being me I’ll be connected to ten thousand other souls. We’ll be able to share our thoughts and dreams instantly. In all their complexity, in all their nuance, all at once. They will see my vision from my perspective and theirs. Every imagining, every impression, will be enhanced by others in the shudan who share the same interests, or have special expertise. Aggregates will form from interested and concerned parties to support and protect me. Each of these voices will be informed by all the latest data, filtered, fact checked, reviewed. My dreams will change, evolve, grow based on the input of thousands of loving souls and…”

“Loving souls? How do you know if they’ll even like you!”

Kym sighed. She’d know if she read the files. Sometimes, no matter how old your kids were, you had to treat them like kids, “That’s an excellent question. To begin, there was a rigorous review of my life, all of the public records, evaluated by AI, along with a number of private records. Then there was an extensive questionnaire active and passive, personality testing, multiple interviews with different facets of the shudan. I did not enter this decision lightly nor did the shudan.”

“But they…”

“Aiden, this may be the most informed decision I’ve ever made.”

Her daughter paused. She was finally coming to terms with the idea that the decision was made. “Where will you…live?”

Kym chuckled, “Everywhere. Our servers and back-ups are secreted in a number of secure undisclosed locations. But we maintain interface hubs across the solar system and have synthetic bodies available for use on every planet and most moons.”

“So, you can inhabit a body?”

“I can. We can. I’m told that, in general, bodies are usually worn by aggregates bringing together a combination of specific skill sets. There is one aggregate, who manifests quite regularly to assist in medical relief efforts on Europa, another consults with the Metropolitan Art Museum in New York, another is under contract with the Matfuq Corporation as a data security consultant.”

“So, they’ll put you to work?”

“Possibly, if I/we choose to. Though I don’t know why I wouldn’t.”

“You’re signing up to be a digital slave.”

Frustration finally broke through, “No! Do you work only for money? I will be strong in ways I’ve never been before. Tireless. My education will be bleeding edge. My access to data infinite. I’ll be able to borrow skills and expertise from across the shudan. If I need more capacity, tools, algorithms, AI support, I can add it. If I need to be in multiple places at once, I will be. And my speed, my speed will be the same as light’s. I will be able to contribute and create, in ways I could never even imagine as I am now.”

Aiden nodded and took a long pause. “Will I be able to see you?”

Kym squeezed her hand, “Of course. After an initial adjustment period, I will be able to meet you…anywhere.”

Tears rolled down Aiden’s cheeks and soaked into her mother’s linen wraps as a sad goodbye, “Okay, Mom. I… I love you.”

Kym wrapped frail bandaged arms around her daughter, “I love you too.”

Khyhm lowered herself into the dispensary’s synthetic shell. That was how she visualized it. Jittapa, an aggregate who had helped her when she first embraced the shudan, was with her now. Just a thread. A comforting presence in case this didn’t go well. Khyhm looked in the mirror at the body she’d loaded her awareness into. Jittapa had helped her to pick it out. It was, almost, an idealized version of what she had looked like when she was in her prime. Her original organic prime. A little taller, a little leaner, a little more perfect. Of course. No one wanted to wear a flabby synthetic.

Jittapa helped her pick her wardrobe and dispatched an AI to personalize the synth’s features, to reproduce her face and hair, as she had been when she was raising Aiden. She thought about activating an algorithm to calm her nerves, but she’d promised Aiden she would appear as Khyhm, as close to the original Kym as she could. When she’d made the promise, she hadn’t realized how stressful this would be.

Jittapa played music in her mind, not a sub-routine to craft emotion, but a sensation chosen to sooth. Jittapa always seemed to know what to do.

Khyhm went to the restaurant and ordered a drink. Now that she was what she was, she didn’t need food, and couldn’t get drunk, though she supposed she could craft an algorithm that mimicked the effects if she wanted to. Now, food, drink, were purely about the sensation, the pleasure, the connection. In accordance with that new reality, she ordered a Drunken Snowman, because, why not.

Aiden recognized her immediately when she walked in. Not surprising. She looked…exactly like she was supposed to.

Her daughter caught her up in a strong enthusiastic hug. Unexpected but delightful.

“Mom? Is it really you?”

Khyhm smiled, “It is.”

“All of you?”

“Basically.” Khyhm chuckled.

Surprisingly, Aiden’s tone and expression didn’t carry any of the judgement, or fear, or disappointment Khyhm had expected, just real curiosity. “What does that mean?”

“I knew you wanted to speak to me…complete. I called all of the versions of myself to be here together, now. You wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference, but I thought it would be important to you, and you’re worth it. But there are parts of me, fragments, memories, that have been copied and included in different aggregates and as enhancements to various personalities in the shudan, those are where they belong now. And even though all of me is here, with you, I’m not wholly separate. I’m still part of the shudan, and it’s here with me.”

Aiden nodded. Clearly trying to process what she had just heard. When she finally spoke, all she said was, “Cool.”

They ordered food. Aiden told her the latest news. Of course, she knew all of that already. She ‘knew’ everything. There were bots watching over her entire family keeping her informed. She knew everything they watched, every website they viewed, every purchase they made. Even so, it was nice to hear her daughter share. It was the one thing she missed. This exchange of sundry trivialities, punctuated by chewing, perfumed with coffee. Conversation flawed and flavored, wrought over time. A dance of words that required giving your partner attention, focus, affection, fear, trust, doubt, humor. It was… precious. She would have to talk to one of the aggregates that specialized in shudan enhancement about what implementing those elements might look like. She smiled. Jittapa was already researching and organizing a proposal and gathering support.

Aiden scooped a bit of ice cream from her bowl and set the spoon on her plate, “Is it what you wanted. Are you…happy?”

Khyhm reached out and clasped Aiden’s hands, “Yes! Oh yes sweetie. More than I have been in a long time. For all kinds of reasons. It’s a very very different life. But it’s a good one. A great one. And I’m still just beginning.”

“Beginning?”

“Beginning to find my voice within the shudan, to learn to use the tools, to make the shift from working to gain knowledge, to using it. It’s very exciting.”

Aiden cocked her head, “You look good.”

They both laughed.

“And you sound, happy.”

Khyhm squeezed her daughter’s hands, “I am.”

Aiden nodded, not sure what else to say.

Khyhm smiled, “Aiden, I’d like to introduce you to a part of me. This, is Jittapa.”