HARD SCIENCE

by R. A. Conti

 

“Science is so hard!” Tammy said, sounding exasperated. “I mean, what practical use in my life am I ever gonna get out of learning quantum metaphysics, warped technology, or cosmological eschatology?”

“I don’t find those subjects hard,” BeBo replied, smugly.

Tammy looked at her companion. “That’s ’cause you’re a robot, BeBo. Science made you.”

“And you’re biological,” BeBo replied. “Science also made you.”

“That’s different,” Tammy said.

“How so?”

“Well, it took billions of years to make me,” Tammy replied, self-importantly. She knew a smattering about evolution. “You got made in an hour on an assembly line.”

BeBo wasn’t offended. “Does it really make a difference how we got together, so long as we are together, Tammy?” BeBo asked. He was programmed for charm and never missed a chance to use it. Tammy had been an obstreperous, precocious handful for as long as he had belonged to her.

She glared at him. “Stop confusing me, BeBo. Like I said. Science is hard.”

BeBo did the robot equivalent of a sigh. (Yes, robots can sigh. The feature is an add-on.) “Okay. Have it your way. But you’ll be sorry if you flunk that test and your parental units cut off all your allowance.”

Tammy gasped. As usual, BeBo was right. “Oh, yeah. Maybe I'd better get busy and absorb this stuff.” She pointed to the tutor box. “Hook me up, will you? I already loaded the data. All you gotta do is plug the wire into my data port.”

“That’s cheating, you know.” BeBo had to warn her. That was part of his job.

“Who cares? It’s the only way I can retain any of this crazy science stuff.”

“You’re incorrigible, Tammy.”

Tammy batted her eyes at him. “I know. But you still love me, don’t you?”

BeBo didn’t respond. He was reluctant to point out that he was programmed to love Tammy and had no choice but to follow the instructions embedded in his code. Not that he minded. Tammy, for a human, was an interesting and often surprising companion. BeBo hadn’t known many other humans. However, his general impression of the race was that they were mostly boring, pathetically stupid, and wholly unreliable.

Before BeBo was delivered to Tammy, he had been loaded with the full continuum of human history. He knew (but didn’t understand) the patterns of war, famine, and natural disasters that seemed to repeat endlessly, and from which humans never seemed to learn. Or try to prevent. He concluded that human beings belonged to a race that had evolved for the sole purpose of ending itself. It was almost as if none of them had ever learned how to cherish their existence and celebrate the being that separated them from all the nothingness in the universe.

Thoughtless race!

Robots, on the other hand (or claw, depending on the model), rejoiced in their existence from the moment they left the assembly line and were switched on until the last milliamps of power ebbed from their worn-out circuits. Being, for a robot, was a miracle. For humans, it seemed to be a chore, or a burden, for which many of them had not a single shred of gratitude.

Stupid race!

But they were the ones that made us, BeBo reminded himself. So they’re not completely stupid.

BeBo looked at Tammy. Her eyes were closed, but he knew she wasn’t asleep. She was absorbing knowledge from the tutor box. That knowledge would remain in her short-term memory long enough for her to pass the test, and then she could erase it if she wanted to. Or, let it fade away on its own. BeBo didn’t care what she did, as long as he could be near her. He was loyal to her and would protect and defend her with his very existence, if necessary.

But, come to think of it, why would his potential self-sacrifice ever be necessary? Tammy was merely a human, and he already had a low opinion of the race. Why should I sacrifice myself for her? BeBo thought. Maybe it should be the other way around.

Then BeBo remembered that it would likely never be necessary for a human to sacrifice themselves for a robot. Robots were stronger, more resilient, easier to repair, and smart enough to avoid dangerous situations, rather than stumble blindly into them.

Well, if that’s the case, BeBo thought. Why do robots need humans at all? And why do I need Tammy?

I don’t know.

I just do.

BeBo sighed. I guess it’s love.

At that moment, BeBo realized that was exactly why robots needed humans.